Saturday, April 30

borrowed from a friend....C. Havig

How to Have a Drama-Filled Wedding

C. Havig

  1. Get married very young.  (The drama we had came mostly from those who objected to Challice’s age in getting married– and who erroneously assumed that she was pregnant.)
  2. Have friends who insist that they know what you want.  (This works best if they are wrong.)
  3. Allow (or fail to succeed in preventing) these friends to take over the wedding planning.  (This is most successful the younger the bride is.  She’s usually not used to having to assert herself with the degree of force necessary to ward off unwanted input.)
  4. Be unprepared to deal with the objections of extended family– cousins, sisters, brothers, aunts, grandmothers.  After all, the fact that they think you should have pink rather than mauve is absolutely their call– or so they think.
  5. Allow the cry of, “It’s YOUR day” to override your common sense and provoke selfishness in you.  (This works best if you are usually not a selfish person.)
  6. Guys, make sure you marry a gal with the “Momzilla” complex.
  7. Gals, make sure you marry a guy who is not ready to let go of the apron strings.
  8. Preferably, choose a spouse who comes from a family who seems to revel in constant drama.  They’re the best at making sure things are the most realistic and obnoxious.
  9. If you cannot find a spouse who has a drama-filled past, leave questions in their mind as to your respect for them.  It’ll come out.
  10. When all else fails, find a new friend who has plenty of dramatic flair, along with some control-freak tendencies, and make her your ad-hoc wedding planner.  Change your mind often to ensure that her natural control and drama quirks rise to the surface.  Consider it the sugar added to yeast.
C. Havig
    Ok, so this is partly tongue-in-cheek.  I’m just brokenhearted to see so many people have to deal with such ugliness surrounding what should be one of the happiest times of their lives.  It’s sad to see the “kids” acting more mature than their parents and worse, the parents acting like they never got out of junior high.  You know, I always wondered if the wedding that I didn’t get to have (thanks to friends who overruled me on so many things) wouldn’t turn me into a crazed woman who insisted on doing everything the way I wanted it to have been and it wasn’t.  Thankfully, I don’t think I was that woman, but I’ve got six more daughters to go.  She could still emerge!  I pray that she doesn’t.


    My Comment:
    Excellent thoughts. I think moms become momzillas during wedding times, because they are everything else zilla. A wedding day is not theirs to control like they do everything else, and it causes horrible clashes. If mom plans a Christmas meal, a birthday party, a walk in the park or anything else, nobody really minds. She controls, everybody just does what she says because it’s easier for them. But along comes a wedding and there are TWO people that want it special and want it their way….and momzilla isn’t used to living like that. So BOOM. Say yes to the dress but say NO to the mom. Money is involved and when mom and dad foot the bill, they think they ought to have a say. BUT, if you offer to pay it is manipulation to say you ought to be able to be on the committee. BUT, the kids that are being helped by the parents should remember that money doesn’t fall from the sky. If your parents pay for something, take their feelings into consideration. So goes the back and forthing. This is a good time to be very small about things, but great opportunity at the same time to be BIG.

    When I was going to college in Dallas, I worked at the mall.  Francine's.  It was a bridal/tuxedo store.  You just naturally learn about human nature no matter where you work, and even more so in a specialized store and to a very small part of the population.
    I enjoy watching "Just Say Yes To the Dress".  I realize I never worked in a swanky store in a huge city selling $10,000 dresses, but I did sell some dresses in our humble little store.  I knew my stock. I fixed snaps and lace and buttons so the dresses wouldn't have to be marked down because of wear and tear. 
    I dealt with sweet people and wild eyed mothers.  One young lady was with child that came into our store.  Her mother said, "Put a dress on her.  FIND a dress that will fit her.  FIND SOMETHING."  Well, I did and it looked horrible, it was about a foot too long on her, but MOM bought it.  As if walking down the isle? in a white dress was going to take care of the problems her daughter brought upon herself.


    Daughters would come in, do the ordering and choosing and then later on dad came in with the money.  More times than not, dad wasn't too happy.  Lots of money and very little thought were put into too many weddings.  I was OK with it though, I didn't have to live with these people during the planning, the big day, OR after the event.  

    It is a stressful time and money and feelings and desires and dreams and wishes and money and opinions and thoughts and planning and money and attitudes and ideas and money are all swirling around.  Is there any way to do all of this without everyone having the come-aparts?  
     
    What I have seen over the years....is that a wedding causes people to be what they are.....TIMES TEN.  Everything intensifies.  So you're just living your life....and a wedding comes along....and you respond.....but you are who you are.  If you've been a zilla in other parts of your life, do you think it will go away when your son or daughter gets married?  I think not. How we handle things in general, will be how we handle a wedding....TIMES TEN.  
    I know what I'm going to think and say.
    Keep it plain.  Keep it pretty.   And the dress had better be modest.  A wedding day is hardly a day to be provocative.  That's who I am in real life.  but TIMES TEN?  The ugly head of *controlling things* will be there, and as much as I can control myself in my non-wedding days, will dictate how I handle things when helping to plan the event.  


    It's NO great thing to be a bridezilla OR a momzilla.  Contentious spirits  and unbending wills are not virtues.  They're flaws.  To hear a bride say over and over again........*this is MY wedding, I'll do as I please* is not a good sign.  Neither is a mother saying.......*we're paying for it* .........

    We recorded some of the Royal Wedding, I've watched a little bit of it.  Yes, I was interested in her dress and I like to watch pomp...........but my biggest concern is this..........will they be married until death parts them?  A small humble wedding can produce married bliss..........a large expensive wedding guarantees nothing.  

    Well, there.  I've got the wedding issues out of my head.  I can concentrate on my new rabbit cage, zinnias and new patterns.  

    Feel free to share any wedding stories, good or bad.  We are all still learning.  

     

      4 comments:

      Julie said...

      I have not told you lately that I just LOVE your blog. It's just so homey!
      I had a wonderful wedding experience. My mom told me the budget and then we worked hard to stay with that budget.
      I will tell you that it was not the $20,000 I have seen some brides drop on just the dress! The dress????
      We were married December 15, 2000.
      There were poinsettas all over the church. Big pyramids of red poinsettas on the stage. Rows of Christmas trees with white lights twinkled behind us.
      My colors were navy blue and silver.
      My dress had actual sleeves! (Not easy to find in today's dress market!)
      It was a wonderful day!!
      10 years and six kids later we are still so happy and content with each other.

      kt said...

      I always felt my wedding was my mother's wedding that she never had? Although, she had a very nice wedding from my POV. Years later when we renewed our vows--it was all I could ever want & it was a mere fraction of the cost of my wedding, even though we hardly spent anything on it to begin with. Funny how that worked out.

      What I certainly knew back then, though--and am glad I did--> was that the wedding is just ONE day--> it's the *marriage* that will really count!!!

      joy said...

      Thankfully, when I got married, I knew nothing about weddings :o)

      I didn't know that weddings had "themes" and color schemes.

      My biggest concern about dress shopping was not the cut/style/fluffiness/fashion...but just making sure it had a neck, a back and sleeves!

      I also knew nothing about how offended people get about everything - if you don't feed them a full meal...if you make them wait too long during pictures...if you make them sit too long to be dismissed.

      I imagine that if I knew then, what I have observed since, I would of been a crazy stressed bride to be.

      Mrs. Mobunny said...

      Thanks for your comments everybunny......Julie I'm glad you had a good experience, kt glad you got to renew your vows, joy you were probably a JOY to be around during the planning....a very rare thing!