Friday, April 20

Weddings and Food

So, do you think it is kosher to ask others to bring food to a wedding? You plan a meal after the ceremony and you ask others to bring it. Is this out of line, to be expected, or either way?
If you are planning a wedding and you want to have a nice meal afterward, should you pay for all of it? If you want a nice meal after the ceremony, but you don't really have the money, should you just NOT have it or is it fine to expect others to bring the meal? Is it a loving community that won't think anything of it? or should the parents and new couple not expect it? Would any parent expect any guest, friend or family to help pay for a dress that they could not afford? or decorations? or would they, as the parents, be expected to stay within their own spending limits? Is food something that we can ask people to take a part in concerning any planned event? Are things changing towards that direction, have they always been like this and I'm out of touch, or what? Is it o.k. to have people bring food to something that isn't exactly a pot-luck........or have them sign up for a certain dish, or assign them something you've chosen to be on the menu? Or hope that it all turns out and have no pre-meditated plans?
I guess my idea of a nice wedding is NOT to have a supper or any kind of meal. I think of cake, mints, yummy beautiful bubbly punch and salty nuts. All of this would be served on lovely little plates with ribbons everywhere.........bbq chicken or fajitas just don't sound very good to me, like it would squash the tradition of cake and punch.
I can't say that eating after a wedding is WRONG in any way, I guess I just don't think it is a time for a meal, but for something that isn't usually served.......delicate cake on little plates and scalloped napkins with a silver date and name stamped on them!
I like to know that the day of a wedding, that a huge meal is not in the making.............I would like to have all of the attention on things that flow easier than a kettle of spaghetti!!!!!
To see all the wedding guests come to the church with a crock-pot or a bowl of potatoe salad, all dressed up for a wedding.......well, something just doesn't sing in my mind. All of our family and friends should be as excited...............should we mix dumplings up with the preparations?
But, on the other hand, would it prolong the wonderful occasion by having a sit down meal with the ones you love..........eating food prepared by hands that are sharing in the joyful occasion?
Any thoughts?
BTW, there are no wedding plans being made here, I am just involved in a discussion about this with some other ladies and I came here to vent.
Any thoughts on this are welcomed........maybe I'm off?


The Humphrey Herd said...

I am with you, cake, punch, and nuts are just fine. That's all we served at our wedding and I never heard anyone complain. I wanted it to be a good time for everyone and the less work required and money spent makes for good memories.

Mrs. GH

Gem said...

I think it really depends on what part of the country you're in. I grew up in Kansas, in a little country town and we only ever had a cake adn punch reception. Once in a while someone might do hors d'ouvres, but nothing too fancy. Up here in Michigan, it's a full sit-down dinner, maybe a buffet if you can't afford the big dinner. Unless you're a tee-totalling family there's an open bar, too. It just snowballs! I was in college in Arkansas when we got married and my in-laws were shocked we were just going to have cake and punch. They were helping out with it, so we added some finger food, but no bar b/c it was at the college (a Church of Christ college) so no dance, no bar. I think different cultures place different importance on eating together -- many cultures rarely have any kind of celebration without a meal.

joy said...

I had a beautiful cake, punch fountain, fruit salad, pretty cookies, coffee, nuts, etc. Lots of ladies in the church helped with the preparation before hand. I thought it was great!

I think wedding receptions are becoming more and more lavish and extensive due to family obligations and formality. Almost everyone that I know that had a sit down dinner, had it to satisfy relatives. The others wanted very very formal weddings, and a nice dinner is part of that.

But, regardless of what a gal chooses to do, it's her wedding! All I know is, I saved LOTS of money and still had a beautiful reception.

:o) joy

Pastor McEntire said...

We could just have corndogs and french fries?? For desert moonpies??

founder of rabbit trails.... said...

who shall we ask to bring the french fries?

Daniel said...



You know when I got married I didn't even know about such things as the color of the dress, invitations, food, etc. I have had a very good marriage and without any of those things. It seems to be it just put a burden on either parents or the marrying couple.also a lot of flustration. I have always gone with what I want to do in such situation and wear what I like to wear and here I am almost 64 and so happy, I don't know the Grandma I guess what I am saying, do what you want to do.

Anonymous said...

Sit-down dinners(or at least a buffet) are "de rigeur" around here, but we just had some salad-y things and bread, I think. I did feel like I was short-changing my guests, some of whom drove several hours to see us, and then turned around and drove back. I would have loved to have just had cake and punch, more of an "afternoon tea" sort of an atmosphere.
Our church wouldn't let us dance, but hubby said, "I AM going to dance with my wife!" LOL, so we rented a banquet room and our closest friends came with us to have some real food (dutch treat) and a time of dancing and relaxed conversation. We were all married, and everybody brought their kids and had a great time!


Peach said...

If you lived in a close-knit community and were unable to afford an elaborate wedding reception but wanted to share fellowship with wedding attenders, then I feel the pot-luck would be ok. That is the exception, IMO.
If you live in a pretty big area and are expecting lots of guests, to ask locals to bring food is taboo, IMO.
I would not want to be "invited" somewhere and "asked" to bring something. I think it is bad manners.

If you have a budget for your wedding, stick to cake, flowers, homemade dresses, etc. Do not expect others to pick up the slack so you may have more elaborate things that you really cannot afford.
And, when picking out a dress for your attendants, make sure it is something they are comfortable wearing if you expect them to pay for it. Otherwise, better to foot the bill for that as well.
Don't promise to pay for things, only to renig later, bc you're "running out of money" meaning "my dad promised me something if I didn't spend all my money and this cuts into it, so you're on your own".
Can you tell I've btdt? :D
Wedding etiquette is a pet peeve of mine and it really irks me that it is now "ok" to ask others to pay for things.
I paid for everything that everyone in my wedding wore and ate. I expect no less from others.

Anonymous said...


All I can think of is the example of what the bible gives us of the bride groom and bride. A special day of rejoicing, why does the bride get so dressed up looking her best for for the groom? When you think of a solemn occasion as this (Christ bringing 2 together for great things) I think of trying to make it the best one can. Being wise about it by frugally dressing the tables, serving food that one can afford, trying to save by making homemade decorations I.e. ussing lights to decorate in a delicate beautiful way.

I think that when God brings 2 people together it's a beautiful thing and when that is the case it is a time for feasting and celebration.

Personally i really did not care what we had to eat and all the decor I would have been just as happy having the simplest of receptions. On the other hand my father (Who paid for all of it) wanted something more special so to honor him and my in-laws (It wasn't hard, I wasn't looking for a nice reception but God blessed us with one!) we did so.

What matters is the commitment and vows before God in this sacred ordinant above all and most of all. I do think of seeking to celebrate to show this isn't an ordinary day but a solemn special beautiful day.

As for asking others to bring food, I think if there are a couple close friends to us that are like family that would love to help out by deocrating or bringing rolls and such,the small things thats a blessing and great help. Otherwise I think as guest we should treat them as our very special guests, if we get out our very best of linens and foods for our special guests that visit us at home how much more for such a special day.

I hardly enjoyed my recpetion as we were quite busy taking pictures and hardly had a bite of my own cake but others did and even in this "My special day' God was preparing me to serve. What delight it braught my heart to hear others tell me what a wonderful meal they enjoyed and relaxing, encoraging day at my wedding. They heard wonderful preaching from a guest speaker and My hubby and I picked hymns ahead of time for us as a church to sing-that was so memorable to us. We wanted a christ centered wedding- in the end it wasn't about us but Him and his people and what better preperation for 2 lives seeking to serve him as one.

I think your ideas of cake and such sound so lovely and beautiful. I think the key for me was giving praise to God, rejoicing with his people and celebrating with them aswell.

I think If God doesn't provide the means then we should just make the most of what we have.

That is just my opinion but in the end God will make it clear for the couple in there circumstance. I like to hear everyones comments of how there wedding was, it's beautiful. It's beautiful to know that others also felt that even in the most simplest of ceremonies how memorable it was for them nonetheless. I think as a christian bride and groom for many they just want that day to come and have the pastor say "You are husband and wife"- what beautiful words that were for this bride! =) ...Oh and you may kiss the bride! How lovely! =)

Blessings to you and your family!