Monday, April 23

A disservice to your daughters............

Don't hinder your daughters? How? By doing everything for them. Why? Because they're so busy with their things, you think you ought to.
I have 4 daughters and one mother and lots of friends, lost and saved. Many watch us and wonder why I do the things I do. I do lots on purpose, some is by accident and it turns out for the best, but lots of things I am working out a plan.
My plan is to have my 4 daughters totally equipped to take care of a home, a house, living quarters, whatever. And yes, I know that isn't the only thing they need to know about being married, but it is a good start.
Ever since I can remember with my daughters, these are some of the things I have done and put into practice, all for an end.......NOT just so I can have spare time........

do not iron their clothes unless they are so young there is a fear of burning themselves
start them out on handkerchiefs, then skirts, then their own stuff, then dad's shirts
if you iron for them when they're capable of doing it, who will iron for them when they are married?

do not do their dishes for them after they make a fancy dessert, fry onion rings in a deep fat fryer, make 3 dozen cookies or even a pan of boxed macaroni and cheese
make THEM clean up their own mess, if they can cut and onion, they can clean it up
if you clean up after them, who will clean up for them when they are married?

TEACH them to organize their stuff, don't do it for them boxes with pretty flowers, bags, containers and shelves and let them get good at it when they're still home......
IF you organize their things for them, who will do it for them when they're married?

MAKE them clean the bathroom, even if they are not the cause for the mess, which they never are by the way.......have them clean under the cabinet where AJAX gets spilled, soap is everywhere, maybe a roll of wet toilet paper, old barrettes, bathtub toys........they MUST learn to do this on their own..............they MUST see how nice it is to clean a stool, a tub and a windowsill on their own. Teach them to clean the stool with a paper towel and not a rag.......and then use it on the sink......yik.
If you clean their bathroom for them, who will clean it when they're married?

Make them sew on their own buttons, teach them to hem, mend and fix things. If you fix everything for them, they will be helpless when they are married. Your daughters, when they're 42, will call on people like me to sew up a rip in an armpit on a nice church top. I gladly do it for others, but why didn't their mom teach them?

LET them decorate the house, let them choose what sits on the piano and tables. Go shopping while they do it, then come back and appreciate what they did. It isn't going to hurt anything if you let them put their pretty things out and put yours up. It is GOOD for them to feel a part of the fixing up. If you let them, they will be good at it when they get married.......

Teach your daughters to do laundry. Teach them to use a clothes line, teach them to sort, fold, dry not fry, hang pants up properly, put shirts all in the same is good for them. It is not a bad thing for them to know how to do this all on their own. If they can reach it, let them do it. Teach them, when they're little how to be gentle with the knobs on the washer and dryer, not to slam lids and how good of a thing it is to keep up on laundry, and maybe even enjoy it.
if you don't, who will do it for them when they're married?

windows, sinks, floors, cabinets, silverware drawers, bedrooms, drawers in the bathroom, their dressers, their closets, camping stuff, shower curtains, windowsills, curtains, desks, BOOKS, plates, trash cans, toasters, mirrors.............teach them do take care of these things.......

Now, what to do about this guilty feeling you get when you expect them to do these things? The feeling you might get when they are cleaning and you are not.......the feelings that other people impose upon you for slaving their days away........AND most of all, their feelings about the whole matter. You have to do it anyway, if your daughter doesn't feel like sweeping under the fridge, cleaning out a freezer, washing windows, cleaning the tub, squeezing a cloth diaper, organizing her OWN closet, too bad. I sure don't want anybody to think that my daughters were born with a dust-pan in their hands, I have had my minutes, hours and days with 4 girls that had other things they would rather be doing.

IF I don't teach them these things, I am doing them a great disservice. They will get married and wonder how it all comes together. Please moms, let them learn it before hand.


Olivia said...

thanks for teaching me everything I know, molly... and makin' me do it.

Rachelle said...

Good post! I agree with you 100%!

I also have four daughters. My two oldest, almost 17 and 15, already know more about keeping and caring for people and a home than I did after several years of marriage.

Have a blessed day!

Happymama said...

This was really good. I'm all for this!!! I have always said, even with my boys, that once they are old enough to do something, I will not do it for them any longer...unless I just feel like it. LOL

Hannah is 11 and can cook an entire meal for us. Am I bragging. No, not really...OK, maybe just a little...but what I'm pointing out is, this was not uncommon "back in the day." My mother-in-law was cooking and sewing her own clothes and her sister's clothes at 11 years old. They CAN be taught!! Teach them! With each new genteration we lose another piece of homemaking. What a shame!

Teach our HITs. (Homemakers in Training)


Pastor McEntire said...

I hope you don't expect me to do all of that when the kids are all up and gone???

Seriously, you are a great Mom who has a real vision for training her daughters and If I were not married to you I would want to marry one of your daughters.

Pr 31:29 - Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

Just Theresa said...

I agree with you, you know that. But,,, I teach my sons this too. Yes the daughters need to know how to run a home, but when she is a wife, and far away from us (their mothers)and she has a baby or gets really sick, who will help them? Their husbands should. Until they have children old enough to help any way.

This is why I teach my boys to do the dishes, cook little things, and do laundry. Teaching our daughters to be good wifes is a good thing, but teach our sons to be loving, good husbands is also needed. There is more to being good and loving that than just a pay check and paying the bills.

Peach said...

Olivia's comment says it all.
Great post.

Mrs. Mo said...

you're right Theresa,,,,I guess I need to do a 'boy blog'!

But until then, I'll just recline on the couch and eat grapes.

jennifer said...

Theresa sent me over and I am glad she did! I have read the pastor's blog for a few months.

Now I will be reading yours. I agreed with what you wrote and Theresa's. This is exactly what I am doing with my children,

I wasn't taught all these things and I became a house wife and threw my all in learning. I can now sew our skirts.(I am working on dresses)

I love the process of training a wife to be. I has been a delight. It is nice to find others who agree and stress the blessing of being a wife!

Peach said...

"peeled" You forgot to say "Peeled" grapes. :D

Anonymous said...

What, no strawberries?
Guess you still haven't gotten that cushion yet, hmmm? ;)